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How S**t Works.

2009-06-15 11:00:34 by albatross412
Updated

As some of you may know by next list (suggested by blacksun256) is nearing construction time. This time I have help from elected collaborators and of course you guys, the contributors.

New List

-Videogames' Most Annoying Bosses

Author

-albatross412

Collaborators

-blacksun256

-eightball6219

-peacefulsniper (still pending)

Trial Collaborators

-Thelightning55 (confirmed as of 6/16/09, 7:53 pm.)

Contributors

-Any Newgrounds user

Veteran Collaborators

-Nobody qualified for rank

Collaborator Benefits

-Being a collaborator simply means having a little power behind the throne, you can help decide contributions from non-collaborators, influence bans and lifts on banned users or otherwise, vote upon the election of trial collaborators, and even call forth a vote on future lists as well as voting on suggestions

How To Become A Collaborator

-If I invite you by via PM

-Simply asking me over PM (chances of acceptance are less likely)

Qualifications

-Fervent knowledge shown in past lists as well as participation(contributions)

-Showing mature behavior in the forum sections of Newgrounds

-Suggesting new list ideas

-Showing respect for list content

Contributors

-Those who suggest what more can be added to the list but have zero of the benefits collaborators have

Trial Collaborators

-Those who qualify for collaborator status but have/are:

had a nasty past with their forums (ex. malicious interaction between users, previous bans on account)

brand new to my forum page or Newgrounds in general who want to become collaborators and have shown good behavior/potential on their part

-Those who are put on trial for collaborator status must pass a small compiling assignment, details will be given through PM

Veteran Collaborators

-You'll know your benefits when you reach this status

-You must collaborate on five or more lists to become a veteran

The Author

-Has final say in everything from what/who/when goes on and off the current list as well as the granting of collaborator status

-Only I can be the author but this status can be passed on temporarily if needed

Lifting of Collaborator Status

-Status is lifted at the start of a new list or post

-Does not show model behavior, knowledge, or participation a collaborator should uphold

The List Council

-Only available to exceptional Veteran Collaborators

-Right now the council consists of me but is awaiting members

-You have nearly as much power as me (nearly)

Please note that collaborator invites are sent by PM ONLY! They will be followed by my first AND last name as a seal of authenticity. Also collaborators cannot take away or grant collaborator status but can help influence it.

P.S. There are spots still open for collaboration status, you know what to do if you're interested.
Have an awesome summer everyone!


Videogame Traditions, Gimmicks, Flaws, and etc.

2009-06-10 22:22:18 by albatross412
Updated

Anywhere you go videogames always seem to follow a certain ritual of flaws, gimmicks, and whatnot. They can be from videogames as old as your local arcade to ones just birthed from the vaginal lips of the modern industry. Here is a list of ones you may recognize.

The Lava Level
Every videogame always has to have a fiery cespool met with a large flaming reptilian boss at the end.

The Jungle Level
The medium difficulty level that is never easy to find your way through.

Easy Tutorials
Even when you know how to play the damn game you must trudge your way through an agonizingly easy but slow how-to level.

Cheat Codes
Although a dying breed some games stay true to retro fun. From invincibilty to level skips. Cheat codes are just oodles of fun.

Mediocre Movie Games
Games made within a month of the premier of an overly hyped movie that always seems to disappoint. *Cough, Waterworld.*

Side Scrolling
You have to jump over the deadly hole meanwhile in real life you would simply move around it.

Double Jumping
Starting to become a dying breed as well. A little extra oomf to reach that treasure or close that precarious gap.

Glitches
What better way to have frustration in a game than an unwanted occurance in the game's graphics or function in general. Sometimes these are beneficial and hilarious.

Easter Eggs
From hidden pictures to disappointing rewards. Enjoy difficult to find crap that you look for only to assure yourself that it's there.

Bosses
A super-powered enemy that takes a little more struggle to overcome. Games that lack these baddies obviously don't have the cohones to handle them.

In-Game Advertisements
Me: C'mon die already Bowser!
Mario: Drink diet Coke to save Peach.
Me: Gulp, gulp, gulp.
Peach: Thanks for saving me. Drink more diet Coke.
Me: *Running out to the nearest Wal-mart.

Overly Priced
Despite the fact that the gaming public knows a game is about to flop they still want you to pay full price for it.

Gamers' Choice
Games that only cost you a maximum of $20 and are still good a couple years after it's release.

Missions
Absurd objectives that force you to play unwanted missions to advance the story. Some are actually fun.

Turn Based
Cloud: Hi-yah!
Enemy: Ow that hurt! It's my turn!
Cloud: No it isn't. Hi-yah!
Enemy: You cheated! It wasn't your turn to attack!
Cloud: Who the hell says so!?

Coins
Tiny bits of currency that may actually be able to be spent or used to boost your score by a miniscule amount.

Taunting
Piss off other players with a snappy pose. But then again you leave yourself open. Hehe, karma.

AAA
The top three initials on any arcade machine. Always taunting you with its default high score.

Potions
The cheapest lifesavers a game has to offer. At higher levels you have to spring for higher potions. Damn inflation.

Leveling Up
You just got stronger. Whoopdy doo. What? You can't level up any more?! Well what are you going to do now?

Horrible AI
None of your allies or enemies ever act to basic instruction or common sense.

Bad Camera Controls
80% of videogames today have cameras. A small minority of that percentage have decent camera controls. For just two complaints a day you will...most likely not change anything.

Crossovers
Characters clash in the universe of another to ally with eachother or beat the living hell out of one another. I prefer the second option.

Quarters
What your daddy used to waste his life. Today you play for free.

Kill Screens
A way of a game saying "You've had enough, put down the joystick". A signal that your in need of help.

Videogame Remakes
Either mediocre, decent, or horriby remastered versions of the classics. Usually includes bonus content and additional modes.

Difficulties
Have the game play at the level you are comfortable with. Yet, you feel vaguely empty knowing the hard mode taunts you not completed.

Scratches and Dust
If you see some wear-and-tear on your disk or cartridge, you may need to spring for a new copy.
Dust in cartridge-blow into it
Dirty disk-lick it and wipe it off with your shirt
Scratches-your boned my friend

Impossible Bosses
The one baddy you can't beat. Either you have your friend beat him for you or break out the invincibility cheat.

The Final Boss
The badest baddy. The only obstacle that seperates you from ultimate loserdome. God speed my friend.

The Rival
The one character that strives to beat you. Usually pissy but enthusiastic and can make a good late-game boss fight.

First Person
A view that actually makes you believe you are the hero. But you're not.

Multiplayer
This can either flaunt your superior skill or your horribly suckish gaming prowess.

Online Play
The only place where the terms noob and pwn are socaciably acceptable. But please don't say these terms in public.

The One Hit Kill
The most dreaded move in any game. Prepare to cry.

The High Score
The pinnacle of scoring. But in truth nobody is really going to care how many barrels you jumped over.

1-up
Yay! You get to die all over again! Weeeeee!

The Game Over Screen
You never want to see this screen as it is a realization of how utterly you have failed yourself.

Save Points
Usually spaced far apart but the biggest relief a gamer can come by.

The ESRB
Pretty much tells you how good a game will be.
-Everyone-Snore
-Teen-Okay getting good
-Mature-Now we're talking
-Adults Only-Good times ahead

Commemerative & Expansion Packs
You get these by either reserving a copy of the game or buying it seperately. These can be a great buy that's worth the money but can be pretty disappointing. Contributor-eightball6219

Trailers
90% of cinematic trailers are misleading showing you a beautifully mastered trailer but when you buy the game you are left with a load disappointment. That is why I wait for the review and opinions from others. Contributor-eightball6219
P.S. I realize I used the word disappointment ALOT in this list.

Different Sequels
Why must a sequel function and play differently from its pedecessor. Why mess with a good thing?! *Cough, Super Mario Bros. 2 & Shadow the Hedgehog*
But these in many cases can be what the series needed. A big risk to take.

That's my list.

Back To List Index.


Videogames' Biggest Badasses.

2009-06-05 18:40:51 by albatross412
Updated

The badest asses to have graced their cheeks in videogames.

Ashlotte Maedel-Soul Calibur IV
Built for the sole purpose of killing Astaroth. She was purposely given no soul so she would have no freewill. Killing Algol was just a bonus. I dig chicks in gothic Lolita clothing. But she's made of metal so that may complicate things.

Star Wolf-Star Fox Series
Wolf: I killed your father fox.
Fox: You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!
Wolf: Excellent we'll stretch over the plot so we can have the same fights over again. Mwahahahahaha!

Fay-Star Fox 2
An interceptor ship faster than Leon's crazy ass eyes. Don't mess with the poodle-husky-yipping-chick.

Niko Belick-Grand Theft Auto IV
The only immigrant to earn some money in America. All it took was the love of a gun, drugs, sex, the mob, and dirty cops.

Cole-Gears of War 1 & 2
Cole:Oh yeah baby! Get ready for the train!
Baird:Stop hitting me!

Meta Ridley-Metroid Prime
So what if he killed your parents, damaged your ship, and left you stranded on an incredibly dangerous planet. You hurt his feelings in Super Metroid.

Wario-Warioware
Not Wario, the bike. That's one righteous deuce. Now, how the hell do you steer it?

Kip-Napolean Dynamite: The Game
Two words: Awesome Vocabulary.

Big Boss-Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
She was practically your mother and her last lesson was to kick your ass while blowing up the island you walked on.

Dr. E. Gadd-Luigi's Mansion
The original ghost buster.

The Girl-First Encounter Assault Recon (F.E.A.R.)
Just looking at her disintegrates your flesh. I think I heard something outside my window!

Annie-Wild Guns
Parlor girls and guns always make a good combination.

Kurt Zisa-Kingdom Hearts
Four arms full of sword and an impenetrable shield to boot. Also, he's so freaking awesome looking!

Culex-Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
Able to attack five times every phase and still upholds such chivalry. Well played.

Jeane-No More Heroes
A dilligent and masterful tae-chi master and your past girlfriend. What's really messed up is that she is really your sister.
Travis:We cannot tell mom and dad.
Jaene: Um...I killed them Travis.
Travis: Well at least they'll never know.

Tira-Soul Calibur IV
No it's not a playful hoolahoop. It's one bigass sword.

Cortez-Paper Mario 2: The Thousand Year Door
Three stages of cutlery fun. They slice, they dice, they poison, they rape. You also can't kill him. Por Que?

Mattias Nilsson-Mercenaries
Only a cool-collected Swedish dude can rock those shades, Koreans, and hundreds of pounds of C4.

Meta Knight-Kirby Super Star
Maybe putting him on the list will convince him to let me take the Halberd for a spin. Wait, Kirby blew it up...damn.

Arbiter-Halo: 2
Halo 2 Arbiter: Can't see me Chief, can't see me Chief.
Halo 2 Master Chief: Now where did that rascal get to?

Halo 3 Arbiter: Can't see me Chief, can't see...
Halo 3 Master Chief: I can see you.
Halo 3 Arbiter: Aw maaaan.

The Ing-Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
Only creatures of pure evil can live on a planet made if pure darkness.

Cratos-God of War
I defy you to argue with me on this one.

Janga-Klonoa Densetsu no Star Medal 2
He killed Guntz's dad, poisoned Klonoa, is foul mouthed, and may be a possible pedophile. I'm not kidding.

Jack-Jack 2
I'd normally not put him on the list but he threatened to use his peacemaker on me. I'm not talking about the gun.

Mr. Game & Watch-Game & Watch Systems/Game & Watch Gallery
Bleep...bleep...eeeerrp...eep...Ugh, he fought an octopus okay!

Glitch-Metal Arms: Glitch in the System
He proves that being different is a justified excuse to kill everyone.

Mr. Pockets-Metal Arms: Glitch in the System
If you don't buy anything he flips you off. I kid you not.

Voldo-Soul Calibur Series
A blade-handed master contortionist. If not badass certainly f***ed-up.

Frank West-Deadrising
Taking on an army of zombies and getting a few upskirt shots is all it takes to get on the list. Yes it's that easy...........hehehe suckers, it totally isn't.

King Mickey-Kingdom Hearts II
The Yoda of Kingdom Hearts. This isn't the Steamboat Willy mouse you used to know.

Pincer-Pokemon Series
Bigass pincers on his head and serious attack power earns this Stagbeetle a spot.

B.B. Hood (Buletta)-Darkstalkers 3/Marvel vs. Capcom 2
Little Red Riding Hood not only loves treats, she loves murder, guns, money, and beating her opponents to death.
Buletta: Grandma, what big internal organs you have!
Grandma: The better to feel intense pain with, my dear.

Gallon-Darkstalkers Series
The one wolf that got Red Riding Hood. Actually her hood was blue before the mauling.

Amingo-Marvel vs. Capcom 2
A big cactus with a sombrero. You know it's epic.

Dante-Devil May Cry 3
Apparently him not being on the list is blasphemy.

Phase III Darktroopers-Star Wars: Empire At War: Forces of Corruption
So many requirements to recruit these badass MF'ers. But sooo worth it.

That's my list.

Back To List Index.


School's Out!

2009-06-05 15:30:58 by albatross412

Today was my last day of school! Time to live it up, bitches!


Poem 6.

2009-06-02 06:03:24 by albatross412

"Asking one's hand in love is a risk,

The fear of rejection like a rock in your throat,

Your gut wrenched in the vice of the one you admire,

The words could not have been spoken with worse form,

When these words finally find sound, it could be ruinous,

The simple 'no' that comes from her mouth feels like a necklace of razors,

Your eyes water as if gritted with sand,

The want to ask another can take days to do again,

Not wanting that rejection or the hurt that comes with it,

But it is going through and coping with that hurt that can make you grow,"


I'm Happy.

2009-05-30 00:09:21 by albatross412

I'm done with Igott. I proved him Newground's biggest d-bag so I'm happy. I'm going to enjoy Newgrounds like I should; without ridiculous feuding.


Dismay.

2009-05-29 23:41:59 by albatross412

Igott surrendered and admitted his mistakes but returned to his old self. For the five minutes he apologized I admired that kid.


I Can't Let This Happen.

2009-05-29 22:03:49 by albatross412

Igott is trying to drive off users if they happen to like Sonic the Hedgehog. Such a stupid reason for verbally violent acts. If a moderator is reading this please look at Igott's account and see what he is doing to people. In fact everyone look at what he is doing. igott.newgrounds.com.


Poem 5.

2009-05-27 19:33:55 by albatross412

My last poem if this goes unnoticed. I won't stop writing it's just that I won't post poems here anymore because nobody would seem to care. Not a place to get my feet off the ground. Here it goes.

"The thought being homebound enticed the girl to no end,

The feeling to the immigrants on-board spread like trend,

Past pains from home, hurtful words from hell,

Must this boat go slower, she couldn't tell,

All those dictators, the fascism, those memories she'll bury,

Yet the boat will not give pace, mustn't tarry,

Eagerly await the liberty's head,

A sure sign to her she wouldn't be dead,

The thought aflutter, she felt like singing,

Singing, singing, singing, singing,

Fluttering the words as coast came to view,

But the obstacle beheld was noticed by few,

Crash through the hull, the puttering stopped,

Singing, singing, singing, singing, sinking, sinking, sinking, sinking,"

By: Nathan Allen


Poem 4.

2009-05-23 11:38:18 by albatross412

"So many to proclaim and critcisize as unjust entities,

To judge the skills they lack and the arts they wish to recieve,

As one plays the viola with a rapier,

Yes the blade is as smooth as the bow that makes the strings sing, but can it make these strings sing as sweetly,

It would be insane for none of us to admit we have done this to another person, or even persons,

Yet these entities cannot point the shame on themselves, afraid to be judged,

But I embrace the faulters who turn the finger in their direction,

Will you,"